Script

First Draft

Feedback

Group Discussion

This group discussion has assisted me immensely.

Here are some of the positives that I got out of the group discussion:

• They said it would be better to do it on periscope rather than Snapchat.
• Periscope each murder/torment.
• Make sure of the scenes.
• Dialogue.
• More Description
• Made me think about issues involving the actors and resolving it.
• Filming the stabbing scene
• Clique
• Time Limit
• Changing my mind

I obtained a lot of knowledge about my project and I am going to use the feedback given to my advantage. For example, the change from Snapchat to Periscope, and being more descriptive when writing my script so that it is easier to understand and do. Additionally, fixing the dialogue such as spelling mistakes and grammar error, also, issues with the actors and how I could handle it if any situations occur, it has my consider a lot of things in my final major project which is helpful.  I have a moment where I was going to scrap the idea, however, I want to pursue this idea because I think that it is a great idea to do. I don’t mind if people think it is a cliché because I am going to set up in a way that people will think that it is an amazing way to present a film cliché. I think that this group discussion on my project and script will make my film better and hopefully the progression will be great.

Second Draft

Third Draft

Fourth Draft

Feedback

David’s Feedback on my Fourth Draft

David has given me a hugely detailed piece of feedback.

Here are the positives I have taken from it:

• Structure/Grammar
• clarify/description
• Advice
• Writing my script
• colloquial language (flips her off)
• Props

There were a lot of small issues here and there with my script which David pointed out and I will fix. I think that the script will be more explicit and I have to the structure of how I write which is more descriptive so that it helps me develop my script. I like the tip he gave me for directing the actors, I think it will help even though I’ve done it before in the previous projects. Also, I need to change my wording because ‘flip her off’ is a colloquial term that no one understands, so I have to change it and finally he made me think more about props and what the heavy object is going to be. This piece of detailed feedback is good and I’ve taken a lot of it that I will use.

Fifth Draft

Feedback

Shannon’s Feedback on my Fifth Draft

I enjoyed listening to Shannon’s feedback because the discussion with her has made a few aspects of my film clearer. Her opinions are important because she is my audience and what she is thinking may reflect other people’s opinions if I show them. She said that Courtney leaving Kelly with a complete stranger is unrealistic which made me ponder and I think that is a statement that I agree with s I will be including an argument between Courtney and Kelly. Furthermore, the dialogue before the flashback of how Courtney met Aaron, Shannon made a valid point about Kelly asking him how he met Kelly and I am going to change to her asking him what his version is about how he met Courtney instead of her being uninformed about how they met. Lastly, I am going to add the speech because it will highlight how Kelly knows Aaron and will make their association with each other understandable.

 

Sixth Draft

Feedback

Jacob’s Feedback on my Sixth Draft

Jacob has given me great feedback because he thinks that it is very interesting and entertaining, he liked that it is fast paced and that is excellent because I don’t want my audience to become bored with watching and listening to my film.

Jacob suggested that it should be a dark comedy, however, I was thinking  of a more serious film rather than a comedy but I think that it is a good suggestion. I like the fact that he pointed the stabbing at the beginning, I am definitely going to change that and have silent between the two characters to make the scene more intense. however, he didn’t think the picnic is unrealistic and that getting the number from Courtney was too easy. I will take Jacob’s feedback into consideration because the feedback given was constructive criticism and it also made me think about a few things to improve my script and my film. I think that I will use some of the things he said in this voice recording.

Maria’s Feedback on my Sixth Draft

Maria has given positive feedback on the concept and has shown support towards my film which is reassuring because I wasn’t sure about the new draft. There are a few mistakes that I thought I corrected but that can be fixed. I was more concerned about the script idea. Great feedback and I will correct those spelling mistakes in the next draft.

Final Draft

Officially finished script

Feedback

1. It has improved in terms of the writing e.g. spelling mistakes but overall the storyline was impressive since it was original. The script made me imagine this situation in a real life scenario and it made me feel negative emotions like fear towards males which means that the film has influenced my view on things. – Carla

2. The script and the overall story line was direct and creative. The slight twist to it at the end was awesome because I was expecting him to kill the main female character Although I felt a little scared reading the script but we will have to wait and see if it will scare me the same visually.– Caterina

3. The story line sounds fresh. It has elements of the story that make me think of it as a real-life situation which is a bit frightening but interesting. – Meg

The feedback given are better than the previous which is exceptional. The feedback has reassured me that I don’t need to do any more changes to it is ready to go. Hopefully, the outcome will receive just as good feedback.

Overall conclusion of feedback and progression

All of the pieces of feedback has helped me in more than one way, from grammar to understanding the concept a bit more and asking questions. I think that all of the feedback was positive, even though there were negative points in some of them however these notes assisted me in the progression of my script. There were a lot of suggestions that made me think more about my concept, actors and realistic situations that occur. I think that the progression of my script went very well. I felt that I used the constructive criticism really well and I feel that it has benefited my script extremely because now I’m ready to use it and find my actors.